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Talking Scrap

April 2, 2019 - Jen Zbozny
When we have children someone should just give us ten thousand little bits of paper, 87 tubes and bottles of half-used glue, and 90 million random crayons. They should come with instructions that say, “prepare to be picking these things up (no matter what you do) for the next 15 years.” They should do that instead of giving you supplies and ideas for scrap books.

Because you might be able to get the picking up done someday in a way that satisfies you. Scrapbooking will never be done and never be satisfying.

Before I anger all you Cricut lovers out there, let me say I admire your art, your ability, and your Sisyphean efforts. Also I hate scrapbooking. Here’s why:

1. I love art supplies, pretty paper, good stickers, gorgeous markers. I love all the things that scrapbooking involves. I have the supplies (in zillions) in my house. That means I need to have a place to sort and store all those things. Where in the Marie Kondo was I supposed to find time to organize all that stuff while simultaneously remembering to add another sunflower page to the “baby’s first burp” section of this scrapbook business of my daughter’s life?!? Where indeed? I could either keep her stomach settled or I could make sure I’d catalogued all the yellow-orange shades of EVERYTHING correctly.

2. I don’t know what needs to be scrapbooked. Every last drawing? Every single note from every teacher? All the baptism and first communion cards? Really? Why? So I can faint from glue fumes? So Eve can someday say, “who is Rosemarie Krezler anyway?” And I have to say, “she was our 90 year old neighbor when you were born and she died that summer.” Then Eve will say “great. Now I’ll feel bad about throwing this way.” And I’ll say, “Exactly. Why do you think I put it in the book?” See? Once you start the scrapbooking business you encounter existential issues. Not. For. Me.

3. So between not knowing what is meant to be catalogued in a scrapbook, and being overwhelmed by supplies which I love to use, by the way, to make things like artwork, cards that we don’t scrapbook, wrapping paper, etc, this one is the kicker. I like the memories to just be the memories. There’s something about taking our tickets to the Eiffel Tower and putting them on a precious page of “Paris je taime” paper and sticking stickers on it and then adding carefully chosen quotes in a cutesy font that for me, takes away from the memory instead of enriching it. I guess I want the ticket to tell its story on its own without my embellishing it.

Cricut people, and scrapbook lovers, can you forgive me? I do love your work. Further I realize there’s probably karma occcurring here.

Sooner than I realize Eve will announce that all her other sophomore in college friends have these beautiful scrapbooks their moms made. And Eve will be Charlie Brown at Halloween. “I got a box.”

Think she’ll forgive me?


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